I had always dreamed of having one of those travel homes with all the fancy stuff inside, cruising down the highway and stopping when and where the spirit guided me. Nevertheless, like many
of my dreams I had to settle for what was affordable, I traded my Audi Quattro for a second hand pickup truck, which was the best I could do.
We have all heard the phrase "Following the heart", what exactly does
that mean? I tell you this, it gives a completely different purpose to an old man’s ambition to be free.
Let's say for example that you decided to free yourself of all your
obligations, fill the truck up with gas and go! Just go wherever the
spirit leads you! And except whatever and whoever sands before you. That
you are from this moment on where you are supposed to be, under all and
any circumstances. Passion is a powerful force that can lead to circumstances never
before dreamed possible.
At the age of sixty, I literally gave up all of my material possessions and quit my job. I sold
the house and everything I could, and what I couldn’t sell I donated, and what I couldn’t donate or sell I hauled to the dump. After having been an entrepreneur for 27 years previous, after all those years of hard work and illusive dreams I reached the point when
I think most ask the question, "is this all there is to life?"
Something was missing in mine and I felt it was time for a change.
I could have worked until I was seventy then retire on social security.
Not me! I'm not ready to die in front of a TV set watching the world
go by. Ok, maybe things didn't go according to plan all these years.
If the road you travel is rocky, become a geologist.
I had planned my liberation from society’s idea of the perfect world several years before. It took that long to get the courage to do it. I talked about it to friends until I got tired of talking about it, as I am sure they
were tired of hearing me, and there was no shortage of well intended
advice, they saying, “are you nuts?” Yet I found a few wannabe free
spirit people who felt the same as I did but they had a ton of
excuses why "I can't'' that could fill a 500 page
book.
As odd as it may
seem to many my journey began when I read the book my great-grandfather
who wrote about the Black Hawk War in Utah. Having learned that my great-grandfather had spent
much of his life living in the Indian camps during the war, it became my
passion to understand what his experience was.
In the years that
followed I became obsessed, shall I say, with the stories of the war,
and in particularly with the Ute leader Black Hawk, whom my
g-grandfather noted that he knew personally.
It was this
curiosity that set me on a coarse that eventually lead me into the world
of the American Indian people. And through this association my eyes
began to open to a whole new perspective on life, the history of our
ancestors, and of coarse to making a documentary film.
But, I am not a
filmmaker, never had any aspirations of becoming one. And I still don't.
Never the less, call it destiny, or what you will, this is where my obsession has lead
me.
This whole website
is about what the film so it is not necessary to talk about it
here. I will stay on the subject I have been asked to write which
is the journey that brought me here.
Only my closest
friends would tell you that my life has been a blend of the spiritual
and the material. Some would say more of the later. I disagree with that
assumption as throughout life I have been most intrigued by the spirit
side of life. Many decades ago organized religions such as Christianity
simply bored and confused me. Not to mention, only briefly, I
found no pleasure belonging to the "one and only true church" while
being aware of the millions who didn't. I was uncomfortable being
"blessed" when many who I loved were not, according to church doctrine.
In
1972 I began as a student of an ancient Chinese philosophy called Taoism. A
friend gave me a small book called Tao Te Ching by Lao Tsu which was
translated by Gia Fu Feng and illustrated by Jane English. I memorized all
81 verses. The simple truths contained in this book were what help shape my
perspective on life, and privately and quietly I put into practice the
teachings in all that I did.
For some reason it grounded me, and triggered my
creativity. For over 27 years I handcrafted fine high end picture frames for professional
artists, museums, and art collectors. Every day I had to
create something new, for every client I created unique frames that were
works of art. They were signed, dated, and numbered. Many still hang in
permanent collections in museums. The last frame I made was for artist
Arnold Freiberg for his portrait of Queen Elisabeth of England. I
retired the business in 1993.
Yes indeed
Taoism was a great source of inspiration for me for some 27 years,
and still is, to some degree. But then it was time to turn the page
and take a different road. It was back in the late 1990's. That's when disaster struck and it struck
hard. Perhaps my karma changed when I retired the business, but for
the decade that followed I couldn't escape one blow after another.
And in the end I had lost everything I had worked so hard for all the
years before. Times like these one holds on to threads, I
remembered the words of Lao Tsu, "do not be concerned with loss or
gain. The ten thousands things rise and fall without cease. Bend and
be straight. Wear out and be new. Yield and overcome. Empty and
full. It is more important to see the simplicity in all things. To
give up selfishness and temper desire. Without desire there is
tranquility." In other words it was ok to have nothing. It was ok to
loose everything. Times I would say, "I'm ok, right now I have food,
I have shelter, I have my knowledge and skills. I have my good
friends."
Now you might
assume at this stage in the story that I went on and became a wealthy filmmaker,
bought a mansion and acquired all the material things I once had.
Well I didn't. What I did find was something priceless, more
precious than gold.
The following
poem illustrates the beginning of a new path.
It was on a
beautiful day in the summer of 2006, I was sitting off to the side
and watching a Shoshoni medicine man prepare for a healing ceremony.
Nathan Chasing Horse is a person I won't forget. We all meet people
along the way that seem to make a lasting impression on us for
whatever the reasons are. Nathan was that kind of person who,
without knowing it, greatly influenced me.
I was given
the honor to attend this healing ceremony for one of our dear friends
Shoshone Elder Corbin Harney, while I was living at Nanish Shontie in
Oregon. It was the first time I had been witness to such a ceremony,
and I can't recall there being a moment in my life when I was so
spiritually overwhelmed, is the best way I can find to describe the
event. It was not the first time I had been given the honor to
witness an American Indian ceremony, I have even participated in a
few, but this was exceptionally powerful for me.
Like so many
of the ceremonies of the American Indian it would be wrong
for me to detail all that I saw, and because I have a deep respect
for my brothers I will not make an exception this time either. And
by honoring the traditions of my friends, it is wrong to put one
person above the other, as we are all equal; that each of us have
special gifts that Creator has given us, we should use those gifts
to help others.
Nathan has special gifts, and if I could humbly say I appreciate
that he shared the gifts Creator gave him that day with integrity,
humility, honesty, love, respect, courage, truth and wisdom.
That day,
Nathan counseled us that we have but two choices in life. We can
forever walk the Red Road, or forever leave it alone. The "Red Road"
refers to walking a spiritual path. Those few words had a profound
effect on me at the time, it was what I needed to hear the most.
A side note, it wasn't until days after the event I learned of
Chasing Horse's celebrity status. In my mind I feel that my
impressions of him were then pure. I saw a person who has compassion
for others and a deep respect for his Native traditions.
Following that day the words that Nathan had spoke kept echoing in
my ears. That "we have two choices. " I kept thinking to myself,
asking if I
had the guts to make a lifetime commitment to walking what the
Native people call "the Red Road."
~TO WALK THE RED ROAD~
Long road winding began in the stars,
spilled onto the mountain tops,
was carried in the snow to the streams,
to the rivers, to the ocean…
It covers Canada, Alaska, America,
Mexico to Guatemala,
and keeps winding around the indigenous.
The Red Road is a circle of people
standing hand in hand,
people in this world, people between
people in the Spirit world.
star people, animal people, stone people,
river people, tree people…
The Sacred Hoop.
To walk the Red Road
is to know sacrifice, suffering.
It is to understand humility.
It is the ability to stand naked before God
in all things for your wrong doings,
for your lack of strength,
for your discompasionate way,
for your arrogance - because to walk
the Red Road, you always know
you can do better. And you know,
when you do good things,
it is through the Creator, and you are grateful.
To walk the Red Road
is to know you stand on equal ground
with all living things. It is to know that
because you were born human,
it gives you superiority over nothing.
It is to know that every creation carries a Spirit,
and the river knows more than you do,
the mountains know more than you do,
the stone people know more than you do,
the trees know more than you do,
the wind is wiser than you are,
and animal people carry wisdom.
You can learn from every one of them,
because they have something you don’t:
They are void of evil thoughts.
They wish vengeance on no one, they seek Justice.
To Walk the Red Road,
you have God given rights,
you have the right to pray,
you have the right to dance,
you have the right to think,
you have the right to protect,
you have the right to know Mother,
you have the right to dream,
you have the right to vision,
you have the right to teach,
you have the right to learn,
you have a right to grieve,
you have a right to happiness,
you have the right to fix the wrongs,
you have the right to truth,
you have a right to the Spirit World.
To Walk the Red Road
is to know your Ancestors,
to call to them for assistance…
It is to know that there is good medicine,
and there is bad medicine…
It is to know that Evil exists,
but is cowardly as it is often in disguise.
It is to know there are evil spirits
who are in constant watch
for a way to gain strength for themselves
at the expense of you.
To Walk the Red Road,
you have less fear of being wrong,
because you know that life is a journey,
a continuous circle, a sacred hoop.
Mistakes will be made,
and mistakes can be corrected
if you will be humble,
for if you cannot be humble,
you will never know
when you have made a mistake.
If you walk the Red Road,
you know that every sorrow
leads to a better understanding,
every horror cannot be explained,
but can offer growth.
To Walk the Red Road
is to look for beauty in all things.
To Walk the Red Road
is to know you will one day
cross to the Spirit World,
and you will not be afraid…
(Author Unknown)
The
more I thought about the "two choices" the more I realized I really
had no choice at all. And having made that commitment to myself
everything about my life changed.
Now
this didn't mean I had to join a church, a group, pay for a
membership in some exclusive club. It's a personal commitment one
makes to themselves. To follow their own heart. Ahh... there's that
saying again---follow your heart. It's good advice really, provided
you have a heart that's straight, as the Natives say. Meaning you
know who you are and live an honest life. If not, following your
messed up heart will only lead you to more chaos and disappointment.
The
Native people have a much simpler way of putting things. "Be
yourself, speak from your heart." It seems simple enough to do, then
you ask yourself, "who am I?" The answer to that question for most
us can be the toughest question we have ever had to find an answer
to.
Unfortunately there is no person on the face of the earth who can
tell you who you are... except one--that be YOU. Now once you have
found your answer it is the most liberating of any experience you
can have, or feel. But I can suggest to you where you begin.
It starts with seven words you say each day: Integrity, honesty,
respect, love, kindness, wisdom, and humility.
Now my
misfortune of loosing everything was a blessing because I ended up
having to spend six months living in a tiny old trailer in the
mountains of Oregon. No TV, no radio, not even a telephone. Alone
with my thoughts and my little dog, all there was to do was to
think. And think I did, I went through my entire life from beginning
to end. Well not 'end' exactly, to the present I mean. And one of my
greatest realizations was that the Now, the present is all that
truly matters. And that the only true value stuff has is what you
give it. That the greatest treasure life offers is living and
sharing your life with those you love and who love you. The most
important thing we can pray for is love. Love within ourselves,
above us, below us, all around us.
Am I
advocating that everyone should do as I have done? Absolutely not.
Everyone has their own path to walk, in their own way. I did what I felt was right for me. The only advice I have is that
we should live our lives with integrity, that when the day comes and the
sunsets on our lives that we can stand before the Great Creator without
shame.
The
answer is right under our hats. It begins with each individual. For
when our hearts are straight the rest will naturally fall into
place. Do you wish there to be love in the world? Then be loving. Do
you wish there to be kindness in the world? Then be kind. Do you
want there to be honesty, integrity, humility in the world? Then
follow your heart.
"I pray that we will be given strength by the Creator to share our love, respect and compassion for one another. There is good in everyone because the Creator has put a little of Himself in all of us. "
-Phil Gottfredson
